Find me Trying -

I have thick memories of grade school. The green and white tile, crowding in old bathrooms, the smell of the cafeteria, my precious pencil pouch.

But most of all, I remember the refrain of cool girls who would repeat, “Don't be a try hard.”

The words “try hard” would always pierce me somewhere behind my school uniform - making me want to hide. The worst thing you could be - someone who tried.

I internalized this refrain and as a result, I would monitor my moves with a warning, “Don't act like you care too much.”

I was catching up with a friend the other day. We were talking about something that isn't casual in a casual way. Throwing around words like, “Well just don't think about it too much!” and “It's fine!!"

After a few laughs and rounds of shoving down the care in me, they stopped me and said something along the lines of, “It's okay if you care. It's a good thing. The gravity you feel about this only reflects love."

The permission to try - what a gift.

So on this Friday, I am saying to you and me -

We don't have to act like we don't care anymore.

I'm not casual.

I care about everything, somewhere deep in me.

Your desire to try is not a liability. Your effort is a gift to all of us.

I don't want to pretend to be cool. Why would I want to? This life is a gift with much gravitas, every day is certainly a big deal. Nothing about this is casual! Every second is a miracle.

If anything, I'd like to known for trying.

Keep caring,

C