Fanning Your Flame
CLAIMING SPACE & SETTING BOUNDARIES:
As a college woman, I find myself faced with the daily, constant choice of who I want to be, how I want to spend my time and who I want to be around.
Typically, everything is up to me, and I have a lot of goals, ambitions, and aspirations when it comes to the type of person I hope to become. But, how do we keep all these goals in mind? How do we practice them so that we may become all that The Lord has made us to be?
Going about my every day, I have realized that cultivating this "ideal" lifestyle and direction cannot be merely defined once, but instead, must constantly be remembered and chosen. If you don't prioritize your becoming & growing, it can easily get lost in the shuffle.
It has to become a daily practice, and this is difficult.
In college especially, there are constant pressures to say yes to everything that comes your way, grab up all we can for ourselves, compete, make "crazy "memories" and fit in. It is so hard to not become distracted.
Sadly, I have seen extreme guilt carried and caused by the act of choosing your own path or setting boundaries because of the related fear of being too picky, mean, exclusive or annoying. This is for those women. you are not picky, you are brave.
If we want to "set the world on fire," then we must prioritize fanning our own flame. For we can light nothing if the fires of our own hearts are left unfed.
This "fanning" or ideal-direction-moving, is rooted in the people we spend time with, the environment we choose and the boundaries we set. Your "nos" are just as important as your "yeses."
After all, He always transforms us using the smallest of steps, moments and decisions.
I believe all good goals grow when you are surrounding yourself with what feeds you. However, developing this doesn't just happen, and requires a practiced intentionality, bravery and a type of permission in becoming - that you must grant to yourself.
THESE ARE SOME IMPORTANT THINGS, OR PRACTICES, TO REFLECT ON SO YOU CAN START BUILDING A DAILY LIFE THAT FANS YOUR FLAME, OR AT LEAST, DOESN'T PUT IT OUT:
1. Grant yourself permission to speak the truth
Be honest. Whatever the reality looks like, good, bad or ugly, the reality is truth and hiding it can hurt. If we can't speak our truth then we can't expect people to know it. Plus, truth helps you define who you want to be in the first place.
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." Ephesians 4:25
2. You can't be renewed if you're being run over
If you have no time for yourself, and you feel sometimes like people are "running you over" then you can't give the best or be your best. This typically leads to nothing full and potentially burdensome relationships. We all need to take a break.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2
3. Claim your own space, you need it and deserve it
It is okay to take space, shut your door, or not respond. Listening to this need of your soul does not make you a less-loving person, it can actually add value to your life, if we aren't afraid of claiming this need.
"You are my hiding place and my shield." Psalm 119:114-115
4. Boundaries demonstrate love for yourself and others
Trust me on this one, it always feels uncomfortable at first, to say no or keep someone from taking advantage of who you are, but this tension is necessary. Boundaries, I am learning, are an essential part of becoming strong and building a life-giving environment. Boundaries can lead to freedom, even though it doesn't always seem like it at first. Saying no is not wrong or bad. Usually, it is good. I challenge you to change this around in your mind and living.
"Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31
5. Your environment matters
I will say this over and over again, even if we don't think it does, where we spend our time and the type of environment we build can heavily affect us. So trust me, it is good, strong and okay to seek the environment you need, and say no to the others. Find your iron.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 21:17
6. Do not discount the whispers of your heart
We all have gut feelings, but more often than not we dismiss them. Your voice matters, these feelings matter, your heart matters. Listen to them, tend to them, speak them. This is being authentic.
"For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." Matthew 10:20
7. Be patient & take it to prayer
We can do nothing without the Lord who strengthens us. He always sends his spirit to make us stronger, balanced, living women. Ask for it. Bring this struggle to him.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7
Trust me though, I am so far from perfect at any of this. There is always great grace required, but the good news is that there is grace enough & at least we are in this together!
IN FULL LIFE,
CAROLINE