On Befriending Your Heart

After Thanksgiving, I drove 11 hours alone.

I'm introverted by nature, and this tendency seems to keep growing in me. I require a lot of time by myself.

I was very tired. Hot off a holiday, driving away from hometown drama and a bit of hardship. There's cancer, old & complicated relationships, family dynamics, growing up, and tons of work — it all lays on quick and thick.

I had no energy to call anyone or do anything. So I just turned on the Taylor and kept driving.

Maybe you'll relate to this — but when I don't feel like myself — I'm mad, emotional, out of sorts, struggling in any way — my default self is incredibly harsh.

She sounds like, "Pull it together" "What is wrong with you?" "Why are you upset about this again?" "You're fine." "Get over it!"

It's so easy to be mean.

A few weeks ago, Beth Davis and I started wondering what it looks like to befriend your own heart. Stick up for yourself. Be on your own side. To simply be nice.

What does it mean to befriend my own heart? I've had to take this question to prayer for weeks.

After a phone call with Beth, where this question came to the surface, I hopped in the shower. Out of habit, I shuffled Spotify, and (this sounds so silly, but this is real) I asked The Lord to play a song that could give me some insight. What does it mean to befriend my own heart? How do I start?

Mean by Taylor Swift immediately started playing. I just laughed. Of course.

"You, with your words like knives

And swords and weapons that you use against me

You have knocked me off my feet again

Got me feeling like I'm nothing

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard

Calling me out when I'm wounded

You, picking on the weaker man"

As I was driving down the highway, Mean came on shuffle again, and I was reminded of this moment.

And I think for the first time in my life, I took my hand to my chest and said out loud —

"I will take care of you. This isn't nice. We don't have to do this anymore. I love you. It's okay."

I started to cry. It felt like the first time I was on my own team. Befriending my own heart.

I stand up for her. I don't put her in danger. I'm on her side. I love her back - as she loves me, beating, beating, beating - day after day, right inside my chest.

This is a lot of vulnerability for a Friday, so I'd just like to invite you to join me in taking your own hand to your heart and saying, "You are safe with me."

Let's ask our hearts more often, "How can I be your friend?"

With you! For you!

Thank you for being a friend to me,

C